The Artist-Parent-Parent-Artist Balance...

In a January blog for The Public Theatre, J.Julian Christopher touched on his experience as an artist making ends meet through freelance work and then balancing his creative life once attaining a position in Academia (a wish for many artists not wanting a "9 to 5").

He wrote about his regimen for maintaining that "work-creative life" balance that so many artists struggle with. At the end of his post, he stated that a relationship would only make that more difficult... I chuckled when I read that as it rang more than true! (especially as I sit here in the dark finishing this blog on my phone).

Where does your creativity come in when one's life is both parent and artist.... wait ... did I just say that? Being a parent is one of the most creative things to happen to a person - if you are already an artist, it only adds to your creativity...in my opinion. BUT - Where does one find TIME to be creative as a parent balancing "life" when your livelihood cannot always be determined by your art.

The Washington Post published an article last week about work-life balance for single people - and feeling guilty for having to find pet care vs. childcare, for example.  Balance affects everyone. It's real.

Personally, I often feel like my mind is going to explode from thinking before being able to accomplish anything (Procrastination / Over-thought). I lie awake lost in the minutia of motherhood and wife-dom, writing bits of dialogue / monologues on my iPhone. I am habitually nocturnal (... perhaps genes have something to do with it as well) and struggle between going to bed and getting up early or staying up late... (and still getting up early-ish).

Long gone are the days of wallowing in one's own problems before others...my own little family puts things in perspective. When someone is tugging at your trousers /skirt while your cooking, it's hard to think about the lunch date I should make with friends.

My husband's more structured IT background has led him to marvel at the often inconsistent manner in which I behave. There are days I know exactly what to do first and other days ... Not so much. Being a mother and wife is my first priority and it only helps my creativity, but knowing where creativity comes in is the challenge.

I tend to do some of my best thinking in the middle of the night!  I have wild dreams of red carpets and magazine articles (I can't even believe I'm telling you this).  I've finished multiple plays and am writing in Paris (I would elaborate on Paris - but that is an entirely different blog post / novel... but let's just say... no... I can't... LATER).  By now, you've probably come to the conclusion that I'm either scattered, unorganized, or just plain ol'messy.  I would venture to say that I'm a little scattered - but that it aids in my creativity...


Getting back on track and away from my tangent...

• I work in the middle of the night because everyone is asleep.  The house is silent and I can focus.


• The iPhone has some great apps that I purchased early on because I knew in the beginning I wouldn't be able to sit at my computer a lot (especially while nursing).  I use "Write2" and things upload to my dropbox, so it make is very easy.  I also have, for example, the wordpress app for my blogs (yes - I have two others...).


• I do the shopping I can on-line... Soap.com / Diapers.com have apps that are more than helpful and they ship the next day.

With that said, I would definitely recommend using the technology around you to aid in your creative / parent life.  I know there are more apps out there and if I discover them, I will share!

So has any of this helped me...yes, a little...  I produce with a group - Harlem9 - we have an annual 48 Hour Play festival in Harlem, I still run my reading series for Black Playwrights "Blackboard Reading Series" at the cell, where I worked before having my daughter and am now still involved through the series and as a resident artist...., I had a short play in a play festival in November "The Decision Fest" and was part of an online film festival encouraging people to vote (and I won one of the prizes).

ok... so maybe I'm being a little hard on myself... but since I have this image of where I want to be and where I am, I still work hard on the balance.  I can't JUST write or work all day... there's a baby to take care of, a husband, a house... I'm balancing, I am... the artist in me wants to sit, do yoga and write; the mother in me want to go to every mom and me-class available; the wife in me, wants to make the best french cuisine possible in a dress, apron and full make-up...  they're all extremes... so the thing about balance is doing a little bit of each extreme in order to fulfill those parts of one's life.

And then one day, you're kids will have all grown up and you'll have this other life to figure out...  :)

But I can't even think about that now!

Dear Ms. YAHOO, Can I get a Nursery too?

I have spent the last year transitioning from Working woman to SAHM and fluctuating between that and a WAHM.

As I work towards my desired occupation as writer, I have searched for positions eager to have the flexibility to work from home and spend time with my daughter and husband. I know they exist and I know many women who choose to have a job with such flexibility.

So with that said, I was struck by Marissa Mayer's decision earlier this week - it may not be big news to everyone with more important things happening in Rome and at the White House even, but it directly affects women like me, looking to be at home and even at work, simultaneously.

I would like to take this discussion a step further however, because I don't completely disagree with Ms. Mayer - she should actually be commended for wanting to spend time with her baby instead of only having a nanny for her son. She had the means to build a nursery next to her office - so more power to her! Television Writer and Producer, Shonda Rhimes (Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, SCANDAL) has rooms for both of her daughters at her offices and also had the means to bring them to work with her. But no one is chastising her... (Is it because Ms. Rhimes is an writer, which is considered a more artistic occupation and Ms. Mayer is a business woman and we love to hate business women... )

Wouldn't we all (if it is our desire), like to bring our babies to work with us so that we can continue to make money alongside our spouse (if we are are a two-parent household), so that our households have two incomes instead of one, so that we can begin saving for the costly pre-K, Kindergarten, elementary school, high school and / or college tuitions we will have to pay in the coming years... Wouldn't we all like to raise our children under our own watchful eyes, and have them see us at work, so that they see from a young age, the value of working everyday in your chosen occupation.

It seems that parents these days are making decisions under much scrutiny, but there is so much we have to think about. With things like Newton, Conneticut happening at what seems a daily rate, might some of us be filled with a daily paranoia... On the other hand, these choices are just part of being parents. They are not always easy, but we make them out of what we feel is in the best interest of our child / children... and someone - somewhere will likely disagree or have something to say.

As usual, I digress... So my only "complaint" of Ms. YAHOO is that other mother's in her situation (with young children / babies) will now have to go through the sometimes lengthy process of securing a nanny / governess / caretaker for their children instead of working from home like they have been. If YAHOO were in New York, these parents would have to account for the $8 Monthly MetroCard fare hike to $112 that goes into effect tomorrow (Sunday, March 3, 2013); gasoline is still sky high (remember when we freaked that it hit $1.00), and now our federal budget is being cut...

Since other women at YAHOO are most likely not in the financial position to build a nursery adjacent to their cubicle, is there a solution for them? It has not been publicized yet - so my only hope is that YAHOO is still discussing how this affects the 1-2% of employees who worked from home. Maybe there could be a proposal for daycare, so other women could bring their children to work and have them at least in the same building. Lauren Ashburn of The Daily Beast said on Hardball with Chris Matthews that she would quit if she were one of those women at YAHOO. My husband said it was a personal decision since she used her own money to build the nursery, and we should stay out of her business.

But for someone as public as she is, personal decisions are not so personal...especially when they are "out of the ordinary".

Like I said, I love that Marissa Mayer is empowered enough to have a nursery built next to her office and if I had the means and the good fortune to have a television show, I am sure my children would know my office as well as home.

Because I notoriously play both sides. (I can't help it. I don't want to really hurt anyone's feelings... Catholic Guilt?) , I wonder what Ms. YAHOO is thinking (aside from trying to get her company back on its feet).  Where is she is in all of this?  Is she even listening?   

If she is...

...Can I get a nursery too?...

1 year... 3 lines

Last year, I subscribed to Baby Center's updates and allowed their app to send weekly notices of my child's progress.

While I find the app pretty thorough, I normally ignore it - not that it doesn't have valuable information... I just don't always have the time to read it, but I do like having it.

But I digress — the message below popped up on my phone on my daughter's birthday...





If only this last year could actually be summed up in 3 lines.

But I can try...
"Congratulations! You've just made it through one of the most exhausting years of your life - only 17 more to go!"

Or

"Congratulations! Your Life as you know it is Over!"

OR

"Congratulations! You'll never go to the bathroom alone again!"

OR

"Congratulations! Privacy is a thing of the past!"

... You get the picture!

But in all seriousness - nothing beats this first year- watching someone literally grow before your eyes is such an amazing gift that I am more than honored to experience!

I wouldn't trade it for anything!

What a difference a year makes...

A year ago, the thought of going to the grocery store or even out of our apartment with a baby strapped to me was frightening. I had more than a few questions about when, where, how and what if...Without bothering my husband too much while at work, I figured it out.

One of the first times I ventured out, our daughter was maybe two weeks old. I have always taken my time with things... My mother thinks there was some delay when I was born (she had an emergency C-section because I was headed back up the birth canal and lost some oxygen). I don't know if I think that's why I'm slow.... But that's what she says.
All this tangential information to say, that I normally take my time with most things - a lot of things.... But since having a baby... Well, I can't spend hours lolygaging at Whole Foods. The time between her next feeding and whether I was going to give her a bottle there or at home in those early days, was precious. I had to learn to move at a decent pace on my own. (I am happy to report that this particularly stubborn way of life that both I and my husband possess has passed on to our daughter)... Aren't we lucky!

This past week has been filled with many reminiscent thoughts on where I was last year at this time.

Last Feb 21st I spent hours at the hospital bring monitored because I was very far along with tiny contractions. I was somewhat eager to find out what these contractions were all about. It seemed that I was having them but not nearly as strong as I needed.

When we went upstairs to labor and delivery, the doctor said she wanted to induce me that night - she was pretty insistent, but I wasn't hearing it - my bag was home, my husband at work and I was with my mother and sister-friend.

To be continued...

Thank You, Toy Story!

Along with Motherhood comes the toys and gadgets of your children. One of my daughter's books really put things in perspective for me...

"TOY STORY SING-ALONG"

Make new friends,
But keep the old.

One is silver
And the other is gold.

A circle's round,
It has no end.

That's how long
I want to be your friend.




So Thank You, Disney for putting it all into perspective! It doesn't get any easier than this.

Competing to be June Cleaver

If you knew me way back when - you may not recognize me now.

Some days I feel like Martha Stewart: baking, taking care of our daughter, keeping up with housework...truly domestic. Other days, I wish I could call on my French au pair to go where I go so I could do the simple things in life that we all take for granted...like go to the restroom without fearing I'll have to jump off to save my daughter who may have fallen in the other room, even though she's just fine and asleep soundly in her crib.

Happy Belated Black History Month

I was remiss in not mentioning the start of Black History Month in Friday's "Oreo" post. One might think that with a blog entitled, "The Day I Found Out I was Black" that I might be the first to take note, but motherhood distracts me from most of what made me who I was before having a baby and priorities are shifted.... sometimes drastically.

In my case, having a baby thrust me back to the days when I accomplished a lot in little time AND excelled (however I'm stilling working on the excel part).

So while my degrees and focus on black identity and culture in America and the Diaspora were 1st on my mind once upon a time, these days I'm most likely thinking about what I should make my daughter for lunch and if I should go to Whole Foods today or tomorrow.... before or after she naps.

However, my experience as an "Oreo" is exactly what led me to work on my MA in African American and African Diaspora Studies. So maybe it wasn't a bad introduction after all.

Happy Black History Month!