Our Mother's didn't have Facebook...

Staying in touch these days can be a little overwhelming - everyone is there - all the time - tweeting and updating and while we know now that cyber breaks are necessary, it is sometimes sad to think about what has happened.

I hate change - it's a bad trait.... The worst... I fear it and yet think about it constantly. Facebook is full of change- it can even document it for you and one can get lost in the change we see from people who were in our elementary school, high school or university.

Divorce is an ugly word for some and maybe a release for others. Having not had that experience, I write as an observer to how public our life's have become and the need to explain everything via social media. I love social media, I really do - I operate multiple channels across various platforms and I delight in mentions, re-tweets, Likes and tags. But, I have also kept life-altering news from being the main headline of my feeds. I'm married, but you will see no wedding photos, I have a daughter, and probably post the least out of most people I know with a child / children, and I like it that way.

There has been a lot of talk about Facebook and Divorce, with Facebook as the cause, but what happens when you document these life events and the unexpected happens. Is there a "divorced" relationship status? It is such a personal thing - like the ending of a relationship on Facebook where you have to then remove the photos of you and your now-ex that were plastered across your wall.

We had a conversation over the holidays about people who had passed away, and how their Facebook pages became shrines/ memorials. It is definitely comforting to some, maybe is who have experienced the loss and uneasy for others.

It looks as though Facebook is here to stay, and our lives are forever changed - many would say for the better.

But how much is too much...

The Artist-Parent-Parent-Artist Balance...

In a January blog for The Public Theatre, J.Julian Christopher touched on his experience as an artist making ends meet through freelance work and then balancing his creative life once attaining a position in Academia (a wish for many artists not wanting a "9 to 5").

He wrote about his regimen for maintaining that "work-creative life" balance that so many artists struggle with. At the end of his post, he stated that a relationship would only make that more difficult... I chuckled when I read that as it rang more than true! (especially as I sit here in the dark finishing this blog on my phone).

Where does your creativity come in when one's life is both parent and artist.... wait ... did I just say that? Being a parent is one of the most creative things to happen to a person - if you are already an artist, it only adds to your creativity...in my opinion. BUT - Where does one find TIME to be creative as a parent balancing "life" when your livelihood cannot always be determined by your art.

The Washington Post published an article last week about work-life balance for single people - and feeling guilty for having to find pet care vs. childcare, for example.  Balance affects everyone. It's real.

Personally, I often feel like my mind is going to explode from thinking before being able to accomplish anything (Procrastination / Over-thought). I lie awake lost in the minutia of motherhood and wife-dom, writing bits of dialogue / monologues on my iPhone. I am habitually nocturnal (... perhaps genes have something to do with it as well) and struggle between going to bed and getting up early or staying up late... (and still getting up early-ish).

Long gone are the days of wallowing in one's own problems before others...my own little family puts things in perspective. When someone is tugging at your trousers /skirt while your cooking, it's hard to think about the lunch date I should make with friends.

My husband's more structured IT background has led him to marvel at the often inconsistent manner in which I behave. There are days I know exactly what to do first and other days ... Not so much. Being a mother and wife is my first priority and it only helps my creativity, but knowing where creativity comes in is the challenge.

I tend to do some of my best thinking in the middle of the night!  I have wild dreams of red carpets and magazine articles (I can't even believe I'm telling you this).  I've finished multiple plays and am writing in Paris (I would elaborate on Paris - but that is an entirely different blog post / novel... but let's just say... no... I can't... LATER).  By now, you've probably come to the conclusion that I'm either scattered, unorganized, or just plain ol'messy.  I would venture to say that I'm a little scattered - but that it aids in my creativity...


Getting back on track and away from my tangent...

• I work in the middle of the night because everyone is asleep.  The house is silent and I can focus.


• The iPhone has some great apps that I purchased early on because I knew in the beginning I wouldn't be able to sit at my computer a lot (especially while nursing).  I use "Write2" and things upload to my dropbox, so it make is very easy.  I also have, for example, the wordpress app for my blogs (yes - I have two others...).


• I do the shopping I can on-line... Soap.com / Diapers.com have apps that are more than helpful and they ship the next day.

With that said, I would definitely recommend using the technology around you to aid in your creative / parent life.  I know there are more apps out there and if I discover them, I will share!

So has any of this helped me...yes, a little...  I produce with a group - Harlem9 - we have an annual 48 Hour Play festival in Harlem, I still run my reading series for Black Playwrights "Blackboard Reading Series" at the cell, where I worked before having my daughter and am now still involved through the series and as a resident artist...., I had a short play in a play festival in November "The Decision Fest" and was part of an online film festival encouraging people to vote (and I won one of the prizes).

ok... so maybe I'm being a little hard on myself... but since I have this image of where I want to be and where I am, I still work hard on the balance.  I can't JUST write or work all day... there's a baby to take care of, a husband, a house... I'm balancing, I am... the artist in me wants to sit, do yoga and write; the mother in me want to go to every mom and me-class available; the wife in me, wants to make the best french cuisine possible in a dress, apron and full make-up...  they're all extremes... so the thing about balance is doing a little bit of each extreme in order to fulfill those parts of one's life.

And then one day, you're kids will have all grown up and you'll have this other life to figure out...  :)

But I can't even think about that now!

Competing to be June Cleaver

If you knew me way back when - you may not recognize me now.

Some days I feel like Martha Stewart: baking, taking care of our daughter, keeping up with housework...truly domestic. Other days, I wish I could call on my French au pair to go where I go so I could do the simple things in life that we all take for granted...like go to the restroom without fearing I'll have to jump off to save my daughter who may have fallen in the other room, even though she's just fine and asleep soundly in her crib.

Post-Grad School Blues

We've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on degrees that are packed in boxes we rarely unpack in between the annual apartment moves.

The time spent educating ourselves would lead one to believe that post-graduation would be a breeze.   Right....

But with an MFA in Playwrighting, Directing or Acting... job applications are not always "submit your resume and list your special skills".  It's not quite so black and white for everyone.

While a fair amount of our other friends are buying homes, having children or making their comfortable livings as doctors, lawyers and ... there are many of us out there becoming what we've dreamed of since we were children, not because it will necessarily make us rich (although we've never complained about a couple dollars), but because it makes us happy and truly "rich".

Upon exiting graduate school, I believe there is a cloud that follows - it's hazy and colorful - one believes in the mirage of dreams from this cloud and then one day, you're down, the lowest you've ever been and who's there to help you?  Not help you in a little way - but help you in a way where you can be honest... we're not talking, "did you finish the play?".  We're talking head-hunters and job interviews at non-profits, waiting tables, corporate resumes and working at the GAP...


Post-Grad School is full of this extra stuff that has nothing at all to do with how many beats are in this scene or what is this character's objective.

Driving through this mess can seem hazy until you realize it's not only you out there.  But it can all mess with your identity.  If you get caught up in "What size sweater were you looking for", how long until you begin creating the schedule or doing things you're good at to pay the bills.

A healthy balance is hard, but necessary.  With the right people surrounding you - totally possible.

To all my post-grad school graduates, keep driving, surround yourself with good people and don't forget what you always wanted to be!